Cause I needed A laugh...

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

TiffaniLane wrote:Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

Luv em ... ..

Adding to the list "What do you do for a dog with no legs?? Take him for a DRAG ..."

What do you call a cow with two legs shorter than the others?

Lean beef

I can tell some filthy jokes but I also have a few clean ones in my repertoire for children (I will definately be adding the "take a dog for a drag" joke!)

How do you make a tissue dance?
--you put a little boogie in it

How do you stop a dog from smelling?
--Cut off his nose

How come witches don't ride their brooms when they are angry?
--they're afraid they might fly off the handle

How come the skeleton wouldn't cross the road?
--he didn't have any guts.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him

dabobkat wrote:Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him

Ha, sweet. We got writers, poets, hot chicks and jokers, whats missin?

Paximus wrote:

dabobkat wrote:Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him

Ha, sweet. We got writers, poets, hot chicks and jokers, whats missin?

A 24 hour all you can eat buffet bar

Hey, you're a beatiful lady. I bet you were really something before electricity.

-R. Dangerfield

A man burstd into his house and begins to throw off his jacket and calls out, "Honey! I'm home and I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!"

"Oh!" his wife exclaims, "Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?"

"I don't care", he says, "Just get the fuck out!"

LOST & FOUND

Yellow-brown mixed breed dog.
Blind in left eye with torn right ear.
Missing two teeth & four toes on left hind food.
Right leg is crooked & missing half a tail.
Recently neutered.
Answers to the name of LUCKY.
Reward.