Horrorcore's effect on Sam

....that's what I don't get...I believe sam would have commited the same crime whether or not he was making/listening to horrorcore,he commited the crime because he was Sam and I think it had a lot more to do with what was going on in his life then with the music he prefered...and as always I feel the need to defend myself and all the caring,sweet,gore loving people I met throughout the years,lol....

Why do you love gore?

I wonder about that all the time and I come up with different answers...the only thing I know for a fact is that the more depressed I am or the more I'm dealing with something horrible in my life the more I crave to see something gorey....even in childhood any really good memory brings also back something really bad...it goes hand in hand...I wonder if it's kind of the same effect as cutting,to see something else horrible distracts from your own pain....and going back to the suffering of animals it really has the same effect on me as eating meat..I don't understand why I do it,but I crave it and when I do it it makes me feel good but afterwards I feel terribly guilty...
I've also always been obsessed with murder cases,always,I'm not sure what gets me about a particular case but once I'm on it I can't stop thinking about it,especially the why?..and how could it have been prevented?....I think that's because there's been murder in my family both before I was born and after...I don't know...I also know that I definetely see the romantic aspect of death as well,the only love that's immortal ,we feel stronger for someone that died than for the ones that go on living...that kind of love fades....